I'm back! It's been a while since I've wrote something that wasn't for someone else. That was the dream when I left my corporate role in December - to be able to write for me at some point. I have to admit, this isn't how or when I thought I'd be able to do this, but I'm sure grateful for the space to lean into a gift I've missed getting to practice.
The last month of our lives can best be described by this phrase: "but, also". We found out we were pregnant, but we also found out our foster kiddo was returning home. We're overjoyed to be expecting a new addition to our family, but are also experiencing grief having lost one, too.
Some may be surprised at how hard it's been, since we knew from the beginning we'd one day say goodbye. Even with awareness that it'd come, it doesn't mean the ending wasn't painful. We've re-fixed our eyes on the goal of reunification countless times, and yet, it was hard. It is hard. Foster care is the hardest thing we've ever done, but also, the best thing. It's broken our hearts, and filled them up at the same time.
We were given the gift of loving someone else's kiddo, until they could have him home again. The address may have changed, but also, our hearts still feel deeply for that little one in every way. We're taking the month of July to heal and grieve, opening up our home again to other kiddos in August. Their reunifications? They'll be hard too. But also, we're willing to experience that hardship, because those kids, and hopefully their parents, will get to gain so much from our "yes". Time, stability, memories, love, healing…It's so worth it.
Until then, until we're back in the 24/7 role of caring for kiddos in need, I'll be writing! Submitting to mags and blogs, hoping to get some traction for the many stories and thoughts I've been saving for a day I had the time to articulate them. I'll also be attending a bunch of local trainings for foster parents, in hopes of getting our 2 years of requirements done before the house is full again. And most importantly, I'll be resting! First trimester nausea is no joke, and the emotional weight of the last 4 months has definitely taken its toll.
So, there you have it! A life update on the "but, also" state we're in. So many contrasting experiences and emotions, teaching us plenty about both ourselves, and the God who's promised to carry the burden we simply cannot hold up on our own.
What about you? What two words describe your current season of life?